A Clean Bill of Health!

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!"

Philippians 4:4

Always, not sometimes, not just when I feel like it, not once in a while... always!  In the bad, in the good, in the in-between.  Rejoice!  Thank you, Lord!

On May 2nd, Sam and I went to visit Nate at work.  The three of us headed to grab smoothies for an afternoon break, and I checked my text messages as we walked because I had a few from before I left the house.  That's when I got the good news.  On the sidewalk, outside Nate's office.  We cried tears of joy and relief and Sam smiled and looked at us like we were crazy... laughing and crying all at once!

It's been a whole month since that day: "uneventful administration of radioactive iodine."  My body has been rid of thyroid cancer!  Praise the Lord!

My last post was a little bleak, I must admit.  I was shaken, even though I knew that the technician is not a doctor and cannot offer a diagnosis, my nurse brain still went crazy wondering why the radiation was appearing in my liver when, according to the technician, it should not.  I know that my liver filters my blood, and that if the radiation was still in my body that it was highly likely to still be filtering out of my system through my kidneys, intestines, and even my liver.  Being a nurse and a patient is the worst!

What a testament to the fact that I am human.  As I waited those five days for that report, I prayed and asked God to take away my fear.  I had moments when Nate would get home from work that I watched, with tear filled eyes, my husband interact with our sweet son knowing that they survived a very trying week without me.  I feared and wondered and feared some more that my scan would come back with news that I could not bear, but I knew that God would take care of my husband and my son if that were the case.  I prayed, and literally cried out to God, for peace in the waiting.

I must say that my emotions got the best of me that week, and I say this to remind family and friends that none of us are immune to attacks no matter how weak or strong anyone (including ourselves) thinks our faith is.  However, God is steadfast, as always, and He calls us back into his loving and capable arms even when we stumble and even when we fear.  I know that I am very fortunate to have this story to tell.  I am thankful that God chose to give me more time with my family and friends.  I count every day, every minute, every breath as a true blessing.  Life is too short to have wasted moments!

I am so very thankful for the support, love and encouragement that we received from family, friends, and so many people that we didn't even know before all of this began.  It has been a life changing experience.  I spend a lot less time in front of a screen these days, and this will be my last post to this blog.  I am looking forward to a summer filled with life and quality time with the wonderful people God has blessed me with!

Thank you for taking the time to read this!  My continued prayer is that God be glorified through my life and actions.  I hope you are encouraged by the story He has allowed me to tell.

Love,
Beth

Still Waiting

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

My homecoming was a wonderful moment, filled with many happy tears. The amount of radiation left in my body was not enough to be harmful to Sam and it continues to diminish every day. It has been an amazing week of reconnecting with Nate and Sam. I am in awe daily of how blessed I am to have such a capable husband. I would not have left my boys home alone if I didn't have every confidence that Nate would be the perfect caregiver for our son. The bond they share now is such a fun thing to see. My heart is full. 

I had my whole body scan on Monday morning and, for some reason, the report has failed to get into the hands of anyone that can actually give the results to me. A comment from the technician during the scan has worried me all week. The radiation appeared to have metastasized, however it was unclear to my untrained eye as to where. I have continued to cry out in prayer this week while rejoicing in the beautiful life God has blessed me with so far. 

Please pray with us that the cancer has not metastasized (spread) to my lungs, liver or bone… or anywhere for that matter. My prayer is that it was showing up in leftover breast milk (which makes much more sense, also considering the type of cancer I have, and my age). My dear friend Ann is on the case today, working on obtaining results so that my doctor can hopefully share them with me before the weekend. 

I would be lying if I did not admit that I am extremely frustrated with this process, and can better empathize with my patients in this regard. However, in the past, when I have had to wait for important news (a husband, getting into nursing school, a baby, and state board results to name a few) the results have always been beyond my best expectations. While I hope this trend continues in that waiting longer is a good thing, I still worry, and fear the worst. So, please, pray for a positive outcome today. Thank you for your continued support! May God continue to be glorified, and His will be done!

Love,
Beth

Isolation Day 7 - Last Post Until Tuesday!

"If you say, 'The Lord is my refuge,' and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent."

Psalm 91:9-10

I am not a bible scholar, and I am definitely not a teacher.  I pray everyone that reads this is aware that I have used various scriptures throughout this journey to convey the strength I derive from God's written word.  This particular scripture, you may find odd to use because, sure, I'm not in a tent, but cancer may be considered a "disaster."  How dare I use this?!  Well, let me explain why.

So much of the bible is written as a document of historical events, letters, songs, and experiences that people in the past went through.  This Psalm was not written by me, or even specifically for me.  It may have been written by Moses, but I know that God can use the words of someone else to encourage me, and help me understand His character better.  It is so important to understand scripture better by reading entire chapters or books.  

My personal goal in writing through my experience is that God's character and power would be revealed for someone else too.  I am not writing a bible, these words are not the word of God, but I apply God's word to my life and take refuge in Him, knowing that I can find strength in other people's experiences as I hope someone can find His strength in what I've written.  I'm sure this post can be misconstrued terribly, but I pray it isn't, and that the heart of my message is received!  Thank you Roxanne for sharing this Psalm with me this morning!

Today is my last day of isolation.  Tomorrow morning, I will use Clorox wipes to clean everything I've touched in the last 7 days, and climb in my car that I haven't started in as much time, and pray that my scan comes back clean.  My biggest, most important prayer request though, is that the little Geiger counter that the technician waves in front of me will not beep near my body at all, meaning I am no longer a radioactive threat to my family!

I probably will not write another post until Tuesday after I get my results.  So please, join with me in praying over my reunion with Nate and Sam, my experience at the hospital tomorrow morning, and a clean bill of health to make this entire experience become a thing of the past very quickly!

Thank you so much for reading and journeying along with me.  Thank you for praying and encouraging me to continue seeking God's hand of strength, grace and mercy.  I pray that you find refuge in Him today.  

Happy Sunday, friends!

Love,

Beth

Isolation Day 6

"If I say, 'I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,' there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot."

Jeremiah 20:9

This verse is dear to my heart.  I first read it when I was studying at Simpson Bible College (now Simpson University) in Redding, California, and I remember what an impact those words had on me.  Even though the prophet Jeremiah was being mocked for speaking what the Lord told him to say, he could not contain it as if it were a fire in his very being that had to be spoken.  Talk about a burning passion for something, and God's word of all amazing things!

I have one full day left of isolation.  Praise God!!!  I have been able to be within three feet of my parents and my sister for about two hours at a time, I still pose a risk to children under the age of five...  including those in utero.  I have had so much time to reflect on God's word, but I will be glad to get back to "normal" life after my full body scan.  Aside from a clean bill of health (the scan is Monday morning, but I probably won't have results until Tuesday), my prayer is that God will continue to allow me to see Him in the daily tasks ahead.  Whether it is a full at day home in ministry to my son, or to my husband, or to a friend, or even just (I say that somewhat sarcastically, noting the very weight that word lacks) just time spent with my God in prayer.

I have countless who people have comment on my strength through all of this.  Let me let you in on a little secret...  I have none.  I am a very weak person, prone to crumble at the slightest obstacle, and I have done so many, many times in the past.  I am passive aggressive by nature, and I can put up an amazing front.  I had a friend in college dumbfounded once.  I was crying over a devastating event, but smiling.  What?!  Yes, that's kind of creepy, and a totally weird and random coping mechanism.  I smile naturally, all the time.  I tune out people who raise their voice at me not out of disrespect, but because I figure if they are that worked up, they should probably not be taken seriously until they can gather themselves because they are probably not thinking straight.  I communicate serious matters better through writing or typing my thoughts.  I started my first journal when I was ten years old (thanks for realizing I needed an outlet, Mom).  I have also learned that this is not always the best way to resolve conflicts with people who don't respond well to writing, and I have slowly (and I mean s l o w l y) learned to verbalize my responses even if sometimes, most times, they come too late!  However, writing is how God created me to process my thoughts best. I probably won't keep this particular blog up after Tuesday, in fact, that is my ultimate hope!  I am a more private person, and prefer to write my innermost thoughts in a journal instead of for the entire world to see.  God placed this matter on my heart to share.  Because of that, you are currently reading the byproduct of my main coping source throughout this particular trial.

So, back to strength, it is by God's strength alone that I am getting through all of this.  I have felt the peace that the bible mentions.  The "peace that surpasses all understanding" (Philippians 4:7), and it is truly beyond my comprehension how I can be at complete peace in the midst of the proverbial storm.  I know God goes before me, and sometimes only shines the light far enough for me to safely see my next step instead of the next ten feet, but He has never failed me.  I have known Him longer than any other friend, and He has never left me.  I know that I am always welcome back in His unconditional arms of love and safety.  While I fully believe that He is allowing my family and me to be faced with this unfortunate situation, He loves us enough to rescue us daily, one step at a time. Thank you Cerise, for the reminder!

That is the only way I can give my family, my friends, my acquaintances into His care.  He is the One who holds them tightly.  He is strength in me, because I am a weak, broken person who needs just as much saving as anyone else.  I have definitely not learned to surrender the first time, or ever in some cases.  I am a stubborn child, and have still been known to throw temper tantrums in the presence of my God, but I imagine Him doing what I do with Sam sometimes...  Crossing his arms, looking down at me with a slightly disappointed look on His face, and saying, "are you done?  Because, I have something better for you if you'd just listen!"  And I'm sure I look at him with about as much understanding as Sam looks at me!

When you think of the strength I have, please think instead of the strength that God provides because I'm just borrowing His.  Think of the fire that He can place inside your heart to burn for a passion worth living and speaking (or writing in my case).  I continue to pray that God will be glorified through this trial, and that you will find encouragement and seek your own refuge in strength that comes from God alone!

Love,
Beth

Isolation Day 5

"He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.'"

Matthew 14: 29-30

I love that story!  Even when we have no faith, Jesus still reaches out His hand to save us.  We just have to surrender and know He will!  I'm sitting in my little spot in my parent's garage with the door open, a cup of chamomile tea in one hand, and I'm listening to a beautiful spring rain and the Spotify playlist I made the other day.  Every song on there has been a source of encouragement to me during some trial or life changing experience.  Every song points back to God's grace and reminds me that I am not alone in anything I face.  The running theme?  Water.  Rain.  Storms.  Being pulled back to the surface when I can't get there on my own, and remembering that water washes away the old and brings new life.  The Living Water that sustains me in this life.

I have been praying for so many people during this week.  My days have been filled with so many emotions: joy, fear, peace and heartache to name some.  I prayed before this week started that I would have quality time with the Lord, seeking him as my refuge.  What a sweet time it has been so far!  It is also a good reminder that I need to find those moments in my every day life where I can seek him deeply.  Two places I have felt most connected to the Lord have always been this little apartment or near the ocean.  I remember getting out of my car at the beach one day a few years ago, and the moment I smelled the ocean I wept.  It was a joyful, fearful, peaceful, heartache kind of weeping. A day of surrender to the Lord.  True surrender is a sweet, powerful, comforting feeling.  Knowing that God is in control of it all, and that He only wants the best for us is unfortunately a scary and difficult thing to accept on a regular basis!

Please pray for me physically.  My taste buds are still a little off.  It's strange to eat anything relatively sweet and have it taste so sweet that it makes me queasy sometimes.  Not every time, so it's been kind of a guessing game.  My parents have totally spoiled me in providing foods I request each day since I've been off my low-iodine diet.  If you know me at all, you know I like to bake and cook, but I love to eat!  Having a full stomach has been a huge blessing.  Also, please continue to pray for Monday that enough radiation has left my body that I can go home, and that the scan shows no cancer anywhere in my body.  While there may have been some residual thyroid tissue in my neck (an expectation after the thyroidectomy), please pray that the iodine did not find it anywhere else!

Please pray for Nate and Sam.  I am officially, physically the furthest I've ever been from Sam, and today marks the longest amount of time that I've gone without seeing Nate in person since the day we met in 2007.  Please pray for their safety and a wonderful little adventure together.  Sam is finally mostly better with only an occasional croupy cough.  I am praising God for His hand of healing over my son.  Please also pray that Nate would remain healthy through the weekend and beyond.

Thank you for praying for us!  I hope you enjoy the rain today if it is raining where you are!  If you'd like to check out the Spotify playlist I made, you can find it here: Promises.  I know some of the songs might seem strange to you, but each one is dear to my heart for one reason or another.  I encourage you to make your own encouraging mix if you like to do that sort of thing.

As always, I pray that God is glorified through all of this.  I pray that He will meet you in your trials as He has met me time and time again, and that you will find comfort in His peaceful embrace.  He is a mighty, powerful, gentle, loving God!

Love,
Beth

Isolation Day 4

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” 

Philippians 4:8

What a difference a restful night and some perspective have on things. While Sam is still not completely back to normal, he has not vomited since yesterday and he is a happy little person! I could practically hear Nate’s smile through the phone this morning! I woke up with a little more energy than usual, something I haven’t felt in a while. Praise God for a new day!

I thought I’d take this opportunity to share, and maybe dispell some of the misconceptions wrapped around cancer and the treatment of this terrible thing that so many people unfortunately have to endure. It seems to be a mystical weirdness that invades random people, but just because it is a cancer, does not mean it is always treated the same way.  Some types of cancer require surgery, some chemotherapy, and others radiation while still others require a combination or all of those things.  You would be amazed, if cancer is a foreign mystery to you, how many drugs and treatments there are.  It is not a universal system people go into like a funnel once they receive the big CANCER diagnosis.  While my form of cancer is among “the least of these” in the cancer world, it still has to be treated once discovered. It still has the potential to spread and do harmful things to the rest of my body. However, I was not sick or having any ill effects when it was discovered, nor do I “feel” sick now.  The weight loss I was experiencing was exclusively related to my diet and breastfeeding.  I have put a little weight back on, and that has been a huge praise!

So many times, and I believe my patients would agree with me, the treatment is so much worse than the illness. Do not get me wrong, cancer can cause pain, discomfort and so many terrible things in the human body, but I have seen the effects of chemotherapy and radiation. It’s mean stuff, and it does not always work the first, second or, in some unfortunate cases, any subsequent time.

I feel very fortunate that so far (and hopefully ever), all that is required for me to be rid of thyroid cancer is surgery to remove my thyroid and to swallow one radioactive pill. Done and done. Surgery was awful, and the pill itself wasn’t actually a terrible experience. The fear that came with both of those, the nightmares leading up to each, the hypocalcemia, going on and off hormone replacements, eating a strict diet, and being dizzy from low blood pressure from said diet were what ended up being the most difficult in my personal experience.

No, the pill did not make me glow green as I joked it would with my family and friends. There is not a radioactive beam shining from my neck. I am not my own personal flashlight. But honestly, it would have made life a little more interesting!

The most life changing effect on me physically was the removal of my thyroid gland. The scar will fad, the swelling will go down and my voice will eventually not crack at certain pitches, but I will have to take a thyroid replacement hormone every day for the rest of my life. Yes, I’m making that out to sound like a tragedy. It’s not. People even without thyroid cancer have to take this same medicine every day due to issues with their functioning thyroid glands. It’s not an uncommon drug to take. Though, being off of it without a thyroid gland was difficult!

Did you know that your thyroid controls your metabolism and regulates your body temperature, along with energy conservation and usage? I had to stop taking Synthroid on March 31st, and will not restart it until April 28th. Add a toddler to that mix, and I praised God every day that he napped more than an hour! Because that meant my nap could be more than an hour.

I’m not writing this to make you more (or possibly less) sympathetic toward me, but instead as information. I’ve had so many people tell me that I “look good considering my illness” or ask “should you do that in your condition?” The truth is, while I must stay away from my family while I’m radioactive, it is for their protection not mine. My immune system is not compromised, my hair did not/will not all fall out, and the chances of this cancer returning or having spread through my body is very minimal (though possible, so pray against that please!)

When God called me to be a nurse and then to the specialty of oncology, I knew there were reasons beyond my understanding. This journey is possibly one of them. The diagnosis of cancer does not mean imminent death. However, no matter who you are, your life will end at some point. That’s just a fact. The only steadfast thing I know is God. I cling to Him who has saved me with all my might knowing that this cancer may not kill me, but something else beyond my control or foresight could.  We are not permanent on this earth.

Hold close the ones you love. Hug cancer patients. You can’t catch cancer like a cold or the stomach flu. Please look beyond the diagnosis that is sometimes hung above their head like a neon warning sign, and ask about real life. Not everyone with cancer walks around bald, looking sick all the time.

Care for the caregivers. My husband has been through a world of emotions, fears and worries that I cannot begin to comprehend! We are so fortunate to have the people around us that we do. Not everyone is as blessed with family and a community of friends like we are, though. You never know when your actions, big or small, will help. There were many times that I could not “be there” for Nate either because I was in my own emotional state, or I just plain did not understand what he was experiencing. I am so thankful for the many friends that have come alongside both of us and supported us in unique ways, and also understand when we need some alone time.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! We so appreciate your prayers and encouraging words as we trudge or skip (depending on the day) down this crazy path that God has set before us. May He be glorified through this trial and far beyond what we can ever imagine! We are so glad to remember that this is another season of life, another curve in the road, and that as long as we focus on what is important, then we will make it to see the promised rainbow after the storm!

Love,
Beth

Isolation Day 3

"How many times have you heard me cry out,

'God please take this'?"

Need You Now by Plumb

When Nate and I went to Kauai a couple years ago, everything went wrong in the first 24 hours.  Our first flight was delayed, there was a mix up with our hotel when we finally arrived in the middle of the night, our key to our room wouldn't work, and so much more.  The next morning, I'd had it!  I prayed out of frustration "Lord, please let the rest of this trip go flawlessly, this is too much! And, I want free breakfast!"  When we checked into the correct hotel not even ten minutes later, the woman behind the counter said "we are so sorry for all you've been through, here are two vouchers for breakfast!"  I don't know that I had ever had a prayer answered so fast in all my life, and so obviously to say "I'm taking care of you, calm down!"  I find unimaginable hope in the fact that God has taken care of us time and time again, when we've asked and when we haven't, when we wanted and when we didn't want.  We serve a good God who chooses to bless and love us.

While I didn't share a verse today, I'm sharing some lyrics to the song Nate listened to while I was in surgery to have my thyroid removed.  This was Nate's way of expressing this trial has been "too much."  We've always connected over music, and so many scriptures were written as songs, inspire songs, or are put to modern music. This is a good one for this season of our life.  I feel like there is a gravity that music has on the soul, and that it is used as a sweet communication that can bring us closer to God.  "Our song" has changed over the years depending on our season of life, and I have to say I'm pleased to add the one above to the soundtrack of our marriage.  However, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I hope for some happier, upbeat tracks in the years to come!  

Today was a rough day for all of us, to express things mildly.  Sam was a coughing, vomiting mess, and Nate called in his mom for reinforcements.  He is pretty much a rockstar and has handled things with patience and a grace that I truly admire.  Thank you, Nathan, for stepping up and taking such wonderful care of our son. 

Please pray for Sam's continued healing, that Nate won't have to administer the steroid that the doctor prescribed to keep on hand if his coughing gets too bad, and that Nate would continue to have a positive outlook on this week.  It is a very helpless feeling to be only 35 miles away from my husband and child and not be able to be by their side. I have to surrender both of them into the Lord's care over and over all day long!  However, it is a very powerful thing to know that the God of the heavens and the earth has strategically placed people in our lives to make these times easier in ways we don't expect!

Blessings from today:

~Dani, thank you for being an excellent delivery service to my boys today.  I knew Nate would not be getting out of the house to get some necessities for Sam, and what made it worse was that he'd been up since 5 with no coffee!  You are an amazing friend and blessing.  It brought me peace knowing that Nate could open the front door and find you standing there with coffee and other goodies!  We are so incredibly lucky to have you in our lives, and I am daily thankful that God arranged our friendship the way he did almost 5 years ago!  You will never know how deeply your actions touched my heart today.

~Lauren/Mom(in-law) thank you for being an extra set of hands and for relieving Nate today.  It was so nice to see Sam get so excited that you are there when we chatted on FaceTime earlier.  Thank you for letting Nate shower and have a few moments alone without worrying about Sam.  It means so much to all three of us!

~Erin!  What a blessing that the Lord provided my first meal off of my "special diet" through you.  Thank you so much for your generosity and kind words.  My taste buds danced!  Is that weird?  Seriously delicious food!!!

~The Rey Family, thank you for stopping my boys on their walk to pray for them and me!  Wow!  You brought tears to this mama's eyes.  We are so blessed to have one of the incredible pastors from our church live so close, and to pray over our little family.  Calvary SLO has really come alongside us with a wonderful community of friends and prayer warriors.

~My co-workers, thank you for being flexible and always checking on me.  You are my family away from family.  I love you guys!

~My parents and sister, thanks for letting me interrupt you throughout the day with stupid questions about wi-fi and for food deliveries, and even for backup to go help Nate.  This week will be on the record books for our family.

~Everyone who reads this blog.  Whether you are praying for us, thinking good thoughts, or just reading, thank you for taking time from your day to see how we are doing.

While this week could be going terribly worse, I'm glad it is 3 days over.  I am feeling better today physically, less nauseous, and happy to eat "real" food!  I learned a lot from the low-iodine diet, many clean eating tips that I will continue, but man, the convenience of frozen vegetables when you have a crazy 15 month old is a beautiful thing! Who knew iodine was in so many foods?!

Sam has been asleep for a little while now, and so far hasn't had any problems per Nate.  My mother-in-law is staying the night, so that will be a huge help for Nate if Sam is awake during the night!  Please pray he sleeps vomit free!  I know Nate is tired of laundry and being sleep-deprived!

Thank you for your continued prayers on this journey!  I am so thankful for the resources God has blessed us with.  May He receive all the glory on the good days and the bad ones too!!!

Love,
Beth

Isolation Day 2

"How lovely is your dwelling place, 

Lord Almighty!"

Psalm 84:1

This is one of my favorite Psalms.  It was also a very popular worship song when I moved home from Simpson College in 2001 and began working for Lifewater, International.  Being back in my old room has brought back some wonderful memories of my past.  Memories of when God was moving in my life in beautiful, obvious, sometimes scary ways.  It is such a blessing to my heart to meditate on these words, and feel the peace that only God can provide in a time like this.

Sam is feeling better today, and Nate said they both slept great last night.  Sam even slept in a little!  That kid is usually up early, like clockwork.  So, thank you for all your prayers.  We feel so covered and blessed.  Nate sent me a text earlier today saying that he felt like he'd just started breathing normal again.  I felt like I started to relax a little more today than I have in a few months also.  Again, thank you for your prayers!  It was so nice to know all three of us slept well last night.  I didn't have any nightmares or crazy dreams for the first time in months either!  Yay!

I spent the morning pretty nauseous and ended up getting sick once.  That was unfortunate, but at least I felt a little better, and I have substantially improved throughout the day.  The doctor said not to worry, since my body would have absorbed all of the radiation before that point.  The rest of my day was spent reading and praying.  I even managed a two hour nap!  I apologize for not responding to emails or Facebook yet.  I'm trying to limit my screen time partly due to contamination of devices, and also lack of energy.  I will not be able to restart my Synthroid until after my scan on Monday.

I had a few deliveries today.  My grandma's sweet face appeared before the apartment window with the cutest bouquet from her garden.  She then set it down and hurried away as if she was performing a "ding-dong-ditch" prank.  If I was half the gardener my grandma is, I'd be a happy girl!  She proclaimed proudly later through a text that the tiny carnations were from the plant we gave her for Mother's Day last year.  I placed them next to the roses from my mom's garden that my dad put in the room before I got here yesterday.  This afternoon, a delivery of bright pink roses arrived from my in-laws.  This place is looking awfully cheerful, and they all smell so nice.

My mom brought some tea and Tums to my doorstep this evening, and our good friends, the Bartsches, brought dinner for Nate.  We have received text messages, emails and phone calls from so many people checking in on us.  What a blessing!

Prayers for the remaining days?  Please pray that Sam will continue to improve and that he won't miss me too much.  I could tell he was starting to get sad when we FaceTimed tonight, and Nate said he's been asking for me more.  While I'm glad he misses me, I don't want it to make Nate's time with him difficult.  I know he and Nate are having a lot of fun, and they are making a lot of great memories together.  Please pray that my test on Monday comes back clean, and that the amount of radiation left in my body is small enough that it won't be a problem to return home to my guys.  This is the longest I will be away from Sam since we found out I was pregnant, and the longest I'll be away from Nate since the day we met!  Lastly, please pray that my taste wouldn't change too much or for too long.  While I'm craving certain foods since I started the low-iodine diet, I know they may not taste how I want them to once I'm able to eat them again.  I just hope I can keep up the ten pound weight gain I accomplished since I stopped nursing Sam.  It's hard to eat when nothing tastes right.

May God continue to be glorified through this trial!  I hope my story can bring encouragement to you in some way.  If you have sent me a message and I have not responded yet, please know that I am trying to spend as little time on the computer and phone as possible for these first few days.  I feel these blog posts are important to update everyone all at once, and I will get around to responding!

Love,
Beth

Isolation Day 1

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.  So now I give him to the Lord.  For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." and he worshiped the Lord there."

1 Samuel 1:27-28

How closely I can relate to Hannah's heart!  The very chapter, just verses earlier, contain her desire to have a child, and the Lord abundantly blessing her with a son named Samuel (the reason for our son's name).  I've heard many times to hold things loosely, since you never know when they will be taken away, replaced, or completely out of your control.  My husband and my son are currently taken away in a sense.  I'm really the one that's been removed, I know.  However, I place complete trust and faith in the Lord to provide for them, knowing their well-being and happiness is ultimately never really in my control.  Though, today it is much harder to open my hands and say "they're yours, they always are and always will be!"

This morning I prayed over my son, with tear-filled eyes, asking and pleading with the Lord to watch over him and Nate until I can return home... radiation and cancer free!  How can you pray for our family?  For Nate: patience, energy and rest!  Sam had two spells of vomiting, and was diagnosed with croup this morning while I was at the hospital getting my treatment.  While we are unsure what is causing his little tummy rebellion (whether it is from croup, food, or worry), it's very disheartening to be away, and not have the choice to go home and help.  I spent two very long hours in the middle of the night rocking him, and then Nate took over because I was exhausted.  While I don't need energy this week, Nate does, so please pray for quick healing for Sam.  Lastly, for me, please pray that I will have increased peace not being with my guys.  It's hard enough knowing that I can't be there, but knowing that Sam is more dependent than usual (especially in the middle of the night), I am obviously going to worry more.

My experience at the hospital this morning was less than desirable for many reasons, but the goal was met.  I swallowed a green pill (not metallic or black like in my nightmares) that contained I-131 radioactive iodine, and drove straight to my parent's house where I will spend the next 3 days in complete solitude, and then the subsequent 5 days with "limited public exposure."  I'm praising God for the invention of FaceTime!

What does all this mean?  Well, basically, my body not only contains radiation, but it is also emitting it.  The technician had a tool to measure the distance of the radiation around my body.  At three feet the machine was going absolutely bonkers (a very technical term, I know), and at six feet away it calmed a little.  Let's just say, when I arrived at my parents' house, their dog didn't come running or barking toward the fence like she usually does.  It's weird how animals can sense those things.  The radiation tapers off quickly, but the same tool will be used on Monday to see how radioactive my body still is, and what kind of precautions (if any) I will still need to take.

Blessings (because this whole post can't be a downer!) 

~So far, I've only had a little nausea that my wonderful mother was able to remedy with a Sprite delivery to the doorstep of my current residence.  My parents have the space and willingness to let me stay in my old room.  I named it "the one car apartment" when I moved into it in 2001, but it is so much more than that.  While it contains an office space for my dad now, it was my little haven on and off for many years.  There is a skylight over the shower, a TV, wi-fi, and a comfy bed to sleep on.  A private space where I can make meals, sleep and occupy my time without exposing my loved ones to radiation.  I am so incredibly thankful for their generosity.  I can't complain about the view either!

~Our dear friends that live down the street brought dinner to Nate tonight!  Thank you, Sanchezes!!!

~The amazing support we have from our family and friends (near and far)!  All the offers we have had for people to stay with Nate and Sam has been an overwhelming blessing.  Even though we are not taking anyone up on their offers, it is nice to know we have so many people willing to sacrifice their time for our family!

~Our pray-ers!  Without you, I know that I would be sitting here in a heap crying my eyes out right now!  Thank you!  I know Nate and Sam will live to tell the tale of "The 24/7 Papa and The 15 Month Old."

Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post, and for your much needed prayer.  I apologize for being so wordy...  I've got a little bit of time on my hands!

Love,

Beth

Strength

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."

Mark 12:30

The reference to this passage really stood out to me during church this last Sunday.  The part about strength.  It wasn't the main focus of the sermon, and was just a quick side note, but God spoke into my heart, reminding me that He is all my strength especially when my all isn't very much.  Yes, I'm totally taking this out of context!  However, as I sat there pondering the words, I realized how important strength is physically.  I need strength to lift my giant child, to get out of bed in the morning, and to eat, drink and breathe.  Even in my weakest moments, I am called to love God with all my strength.  I know this passage does not necessarily refer to physical strength, but it was a good reminder.  As long as I'm giving all of me, God fills in the gaps.  He knows my heart.  Right now my all is about 5% of my normal strength, but He is doing an excellent job of taking care of the other 95%!

I have to share a praise with you.  This may seem silly or trivial, but it has been seven whole days in a row that none of us have gone to a doctor or a pharmacy since the end of December.  If you think about it, that is a lot of visits, money and time.  Praise God with me, it has been a prayer of mine since February!

Please continue to pray for our family.  I stopped taking Synthroid a week and a half ago as directed by my doctor in preparation to undergo radioactive iodine treatment.  The first two days were great!  I had a ton of energy, but that quickly diminished on the third day and has been exponentially getting more difficult.  I try to nap when Sam does, but between sleeping in, 5+ cups of coffee and going to bed early, I'm still dragging and ready for a nap at a moment's notice!  I do not restart my medication until April 28th.  Please pray for endurance and wisdom as I juggle energy conservation, being a hormonal woman, and a very, very, very active one year old!

I began the low iodine diet on Monday.  This hasn't been too difficult since I am used to preparing most of our food anyway.  However, I tossed a frozen basil cube (thank you Trader Joe's for this helpful invention) into our dinner and then read the ingredients.  I expected basil and water, but instead found sea salt among the ingredients.  I was disappointed and ended up eating plain quinoa for dinner.  

I am trying to keep my calcium intake up since my little parathyroid glands are still recovering from the surgery (two months ago tomorrow).  I saw my surgeon a couple weeks ago since I was having some difficulty swallowing and I still experience tingling in my hands and face occasionally.  While it is normal to still have symptoms for a few months, I am not allowed to have dairy on the low iodine diet.  Please pray that my calcium levels would remain high enough to keep symptoms at bay and to not cause any damage to my heart or muscles.  I am eating calcium rich foods and taking supplements often as prescribed by my doctor.

Sam has been teething, dropping a nap and walking more and more.  Please pray for his little body.  He is so incredibly strong, and big, and full of life!  Please pray that we would not inhibit his growth during this time while we are stressed.  He has been very clingy to me lately as we are sure he can sense that something is going on as we prepare for my week away.  In turn it makes me worry that he will just be a total mess that week.  Please pray for Nate and Sam's time together.  Nate is an incredible father and I have no fears leaving Sam in his very capable hands, but not having relief at the end of the day will be exhausting for him.  Please bring them meals, call/text Nate, or invite them for a walk or to the park as you feel led!  I know Nate will appreciate it!

Thank you, as always, for your faithful prayers! I am excited to pray for you too as we all go on living this crazy life.  We are excited today to be praying for friends who are in labor with their first son, friends who are seeking the Lord's direction for their ministry as a family, and healing for many friends going through various illnesses.  What a blessing to pray for each other.  We are also very blessed by the many cards, emails, texts and phone calls we receive from all of you.  We continue to feel surrounded in prayer and the gift of family and friends.

Love,

Beth

Taste

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; 

blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him."

Psalm 34:8

My surgery was almost 6 weeks ago (hard to believe), and other than recovery and spending as much time as possible with my two favorite people, not a lot has happened around here.  Sam did take his first steps, so that is definitely newsworthy!  I was home to see it, so the fear of missing that moment is gone.  He just wobbles all over the house now.  It's great!

I had a chest x-ray on Tuesday to make sure my lungs are clear, and ok to proceed with treatment.  I haven't heard from anyone, so I'm assuming I have super healthy, wonderful lungs!  I am scheduled for my treatment of radioactive iodine on Monday, April 21st and then I will have a whole body scan a week later to make sure all of the thyroid tissue in my body is completely gone forever.  The iodine treatment is the day after Easter, and two days after Nate and my 6th wedding anniversary!  I couldn't imagine spending either of those days away from my guys, so I was very happy that Radiology could accommodate us.  Nate will have the week off for Spring Break and he will be playing the "Single Dad" role for 7 whole days.  Please pray for him, and for Sam... and for me!  I will be staying with my parents, locked in the garage so that I don't radiate anyone.

Right now, I am gearing up to go off my thyroid medication on March 31st.  That means I am trying to pack as much fun and energy requiring activities as I can into the next 10 days.  According to the Radiologist, I will be exhausted while off the medication.  I won't want to get out of bed, or do anything for that three weeks!  Let's be honest, I don't know anyone that would look forward to that, regardless of whether they have a toddler to chase around or not.  Please pray for patience and an extreme, only from God, grace-filled amount of energy for those days... and for super-long naps for Sam and me!

For two weeks leading up to the treatment, I have to be on a low-iodine diet.  This consists of (basically) fresh, iodized salt-free, non-processed foods.  I don't think this part will actually be too difficult, thankfully, since I make most of our food anyway.  I am working on meal planning/prep now though, so that I won't have a meltdown trying to decide what to eat!  I do love food!

As for the treatment itself, I may feel "flu like" symptoms for about a day after I swallow the pill.  (I had a dream that it was this big black/grey metallic pill that I had to swallow, weird!).  My taste buds will be out of whack for a few weeks potentially, and the radiologist also encouraged me to drink a lot of water to flush my system, and to suck on lemon drops to keep my salivary glands working.

It is a bizarre thing to know that I will be radioactive, and that I will have no "true" human contact for the first three days.  I guess it's appropriate that we are doing it around Easter?  (I am in no way at all ever comparing this situation to what my Savior did on the cross, but instead stating that I can observe with a little more reverence than in years past.)  Having the forced solitude will be a blessing to my walk with the Lord, so in that way I look forward to it.  I am also incredibly grateful for FaceTime, even if my phone will be in a plastic bag!

Thank you for your continued support and prayers!  I will update information as I can.  I'm sure there will be many posts during my week of isolation.

Love,
Beth

Store Up The Good Things

"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."

Luke 6:45

I was going to write a long, flowery post about the tearful moments I've had over the last few days, but I believe that sort of thing should be reserved for handwritten journals and late night chats with girlfriends over coffee.  I'd be a liar, though, to make everyone believe that the last three days of recovery have been just perfect.  My prayer is that my words continue to be uplifting and glorifying to the One that gives life.

I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday evening and arrived home around 6:30pm to the biggest smiles from Sam that I've ever seen.  He gave me sweet, one year old, only for mommy "kisses" all over my face.  My mom, who I strive to  be more like every day (especially after this experience) was glad to have me home too, and stayed an extra night with us so that Nate could go in to work for a few hours on Thursday.

My surgeon kept me on a high calcium diet and calcium supplements through Sunday night.  I see him again this Monday for a follow-up.  I was able to shower yesterday and remove the gauze from my incision site.  I still can't see the scar because it is covered with a steri-strip, but from what I can tell is it looks pretty good.  It's much smaller than I anticipated, and other than some soreness in my neck I am not having any pain.

I received a phone call on Thursday night from my oncologist (AKA my boss/friend), with my pathology results.  While they were less than favorable in the sense that I will have to undergo radioactive iodine, my prognosis is still the same and my cancer is still considered "stage one."  One lymph node had a very small spot of malignancy.  The good news in this, is that I may not have to be away from Nate and Sam quite as long as I'd anticipated due to only needing a low dose of radioactive iodine.  

Please pray:

1. Fast weaning of Sam.  I continued pumping in the hospital with the anticipation that I would still be able to nurse for a little while longer after surgery.  However, the radioactive iodine needs to be done sooner rather than later, and I have to be completely "dried up" to take it.  I spoke to the local lactation consultant yesterday and she seems to think we can get this all taken care of within a matter of a week or two!  Yay!

2. I'm an emotional mess.  While hormones get back in balance between weaning and transitioning to Synthroid (synthetic thyroid hormone), I have been crying at the drop of a hat, for no reason.  Nate is a rockstar, and says all the right comforting, loving things.  All while taking care of Sam, sometimes in the same breath.

3. I want Nate to have the support he needs both from friends and from me during this time.  While this is such a short time of our life in the grand scheme of things, I'm sure he feels caught in eternity in the middle of the night when I'm panicking about calcium levels and not being able to nurse our child any more.

4. My mom not only has the pressure of her oldest child going through a traumatic life event, but her youngest, my sister, is also going through thyroid testing.  She has an appointment on Wedensday that will determine if she will need a biopsy or surgery.  My mom is the epitome of selfless mothering, and the transition of care while I was in the hospital was practically seamless for Sam.  Nate and I are so thankful for the sacrifice she made to stay with us, to take care of Sam, and to make sure Nate was eating and sleeping when he wasn't at the hospital.

5. I will have blood work done on Monday afternoon to check my calcium levels.  I have to stop taking calcium Sunday night to see if my body is doing it's job.  My hope is that I do not have any cramping or tingling, and that my number comes back in the normal range!

6. Lastly, for the body scan after the radioactive iodine to come back clean!!!  We don't know when all of this will take place just yet, but we will know more after my follow-up with the surgeon and consultation with my oncologist, both happening on Monday.

I know that a lot of people reading this don't actually know me personally, but know our family or friends.  Thank you for supporting us and our support system during this time.  We have received cards, emails, phone calls, meals and flowers!  Thank you!  It's amazing to me that tomorrow will be only a month since I received the diagnosis of Thyroid Cancer.  It has been an incredibly long month packed with a lot of information, decisions and moments of fear and of peace.  Thank you, I know God has a plan for all of this!

Love,

Beth

Endurance

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on,  however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
Hebrews 12:11

I had a note in my bible next to this verse: "beauty from pain." It always intrigues me how The Lord brings the same passages into my life during similar seasons. I am learning patience and endurance. I was officially away from Sam a total of 47 hours. I'm so thankful for my mom being able to stay with us so that Nate can come back and forth from home to the hospital. It's been nice having my mom come visit with me too. I can't speak for very long because I get sore and tired, but I am getting better!

My calcium level dropped yesterday enough to keep me in the hospital one more night. I had tingling and numbness in my hands and face. It was creeping up my arms and down my neck. It got really exciting when my fingers started cramping and twitching involuntarily. I was given IV calcium since the chewable tablets weren't cutting it. Thankfully my levels came back up this morning.

Some of the tingling unfortunately returned this morning, so the doctor is keeping me through the afternoon. Please pray that the blood levels have either gone up or stayed the same. I have not had to have IV calcium again (yay!), and the tingling has subsided except for a little in my fingers. I've been drinking milk and eating yogurt to help boost my intake.

Thanks again for all the encouragement! Sam is doing great with Nate and my mom. They came by and spent some time with me in the "Healing Garden" at the hospital. It's beautiful outside and Sam was so snugly and sweet. Also, other than being sore, I haven't really had any pain and my voice is normal! Hooray!

Love,
Beth

Hypocalcemia

"So I went down to the potter's house, and there he was working at his wheel. And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good for the potter to do."

Jeremiah 18:3-4

Just as God spoke through Jeremiah to the nation of Israel that He would reshape her how he saw best, I feel I am constantly being reshaped. I've loved this passage since I was attending Simpson College (now university) back in 2000. I remember from a ceramics class in high school that, even though something in progress may start out looking great, sometimes the clay needs to be reshaped. Especially when it's not cooperating. 

While my thyroid gland looked pretty good, there was a growth, a change that was unacceptable. The surgery to remove all of it went "perfect," but I am having some minor (expected) complications today. The little-tiny-half-size-of-a-grain-of-rice Parathyroids are acting up. They regulate the calcium levels in the body which is not only needed for bones, but also it's important for proper muscle function, especially the heart. 

This is a very common side effect after a total thyroidectomy, but since my calcium levels dipped, I have to take supplements today and be retested this afternoon. It also feels like my face, tongue and arms are constantly tingling, like that feeling when your leg falls asleep and starts to wake back up. 

Please pray that my levels are back in the normal range, or at least acceptable enough to let me go home today. 

Thank you for praying!

Love,

Beth

Post-Surgical Midnight Update

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Well, here I am in the hospital. Of course, I'm having trouble sleeping. Partly due to my roommate in the next bed channel surfing between sports, talk, and 40's music on various AM radio stations (I'm sure she needs it to sleep, and it reminds me of being a kid staying the night at my grandma's house, plus I'm probably waking her up every 2 hours when I use the restroom), the children that sound like Sam crying in the hall, and just plain being away from my favorite boys in an uncomfortable bed with tubes all around me. I dislike being a patient, but I'm glad I get to go home tomorrow. 

After my surgery was delayed about an hour and a half, it went rather quick. Though, I was unconscious, so it went faster for me than anyone else! The doctor walked into the recovery room and stated "you're cured!" and said the surgery went "perfect!" That was so encouraging to hear while in my super groggy state. I felt like I smiled, but it could have been a slow blink. He did remove a couple lymph nodes to send to pathology, but said he did not see any other worrisome spots on the thyroid gland itself. My incision is smaller and lower than I anticipated, so that is a positive too. 

Please pray for quick healing so I can hug my family soon and for all the lymph nodes to come back benign!

Thank you again for your prayer, encouragement, and love. Nate and I feel so blessed to have you in our life. 

Love,

(A very sleepy) Beth

One More Request

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Hebrews 11:1

Please pray for a total removal of the nodule, that it is its own little entity, and that it has not affected any lymph nodes, or spread to any other part of my thyroid gland.  My super-amazing boss informed me that there is a slight chance I may not need the radioactive iodine if that is the case.  I'd really prefer to not have to take it!  I know that bridge will be crossed once the pathology report comes back after surgery, but please pray.

Love,
Beth

Don't put it off...

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:34

I have seen a neck surgeon and a general surgeon since my last post. In a nutshell, we were less than impressed by the neck surgeon's bedside manner and explanation of what needs to be done surgically. The general surgeon was incredibly helpful, listened to all of our questions, and patiently answered the most ridiculous ones. Even though they both told us the same surprising news that I cannot have a partial thyroidectomy, but I need a total instead. Delivery is key no matter how "non-cancer" this cancer is!

I had my consultation with him two days ago, his office called me yesterday and the surgery is scheduled this Monday, February 10th! Why put it off?! Nate has a holiday weekend next week, so this works best with our schedule. Also, getting it done this fast does not give us time to worry or "be anxious for tomorrow." I know I am in good hands, partially because I've seen this doctor for another issue in the past, and also because the Oncologist I work for sends all of our patients to him. He has a wonderful reputation in our community, and I feel very fortunate that he's especially skilled in Thyroidectomy surgery.

I had my pre-operative appointment this morning at the hospital. My dear friend Ann was able to drive down to take care of Sam so that Nate could go to work and get things in order to be off a few days next week. My mom will be staying at our house Monday night to help Nate with Sam. We also chose to have the surgery at the closest hospital, a 4 minute drive from our house! I do not want any visitors. My stay will be incredibly short, so emails and text messages are appreciated! No phone calls please, as my voice may be hoarse for a little bit from the surgery.

Current prayer requests:

1. We continue to trust the outcome to God's capable hands, knowing that He has a plan for all of this!

2. That I will be able to enjoy this weekend with Nate & Sam without being too distracted by what is going to happen on Monday afternoon. It still hasn't hit me that I am having surgery in three days!

3. Wisdom in post-operative decisions. Since I am having a total thyroidectomy, I have to take radioactive iodine, and our concern with that is me having to be "isolated" for a week. While adults of non-childbearing age can be around me, no closer than arms reach, for less than an hour at a time, I will not be allowed within close proximity of Sam for a week, which means he and Nate will probably be staying at a friend's, or I may stay with family. The longest I've ever been away from Nate at once was 5 days (since the day we met!). Also, prayer for the after effects from the radioactive iodine, and when/if we have another child.

4. Lastly, that Monday night I will not be anxious about not being home to care for my husband and child. I always thought my first night away from Sam would be for Nate and my anniversary in April!

Thank you for all your love and encouragement! We are so blessed to have you in our lives.

Love,
Beth

A Change in Consult Date

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." James 1:5-6

It's so easy to doubt.  Kind of like frowning.  I've heard that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.  Even though I'm a generally smiley person, I've been known to frown.  Just because it takes more effort, doesn't mean I don't do it.  Which is silly.  That's what doubting is, it's like frowning when it's easier to smile.  It's choosing to not have faith when God has opened the door and made it obvious that He's prepared a way, and gone before so many times already.  Still...  I frown, and doubt, and whine.  I'm so glad that God is patient and always forgiving.

On Friday I called the ear, nose and throat office that was offered as a second option when I was originally given my diagnosis.  I will see them this Tuesday, January 28th.  I kept my appointment on February 5th with the general surgeon in case I am uncomfortable with the ENT for some reason.  It's always good to have options, and to get as much of the picture as possible.  I am so grateful that even though the options in our small community are limited, they are good options.  God has placed talented, knowledgeable doctors here.  I'm glad to know many of them, and to know so many people that know so many of them.

Nate and I have been so covered in prayer and provision in the last 10 days!  At church this morning, every one of our friends and church staff that we saw either stopped to talk to us or to at least say "we are praying for you."  We had the opportunity to pray with our pastor after the service.  He is going through a similar trial, and we are so blessed to be surrounded by people that we love that love us back!

Current prayer requests:

1. That we would glorify God in this trial and be able to encourage those around us.

2. Communication between Nate & me.  There will be a lot of decisions made in the coming days and weeks, and we need to be on the same page.  Please pray that we communicate effectively and without (too much) frustration.

3. Wisdom in our decisions.  We will need to decide who will perform my surgery, when and where.

4. Rest for all of us.  My mom as she worries about me (her baby), Nate as he worries about me (his wife), and me so that I don't get sick before surgery, and that I don't worry about Nate, Sam, my mom or anyone else that is worried about me!  Peace of mind and clarity during this time is such a blessing.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers!
Love,
Beth, Nate & Sam

Encouragement and the "non-cancer"

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

This is one of my favorite verses of all time. The day before I took my state exam to become an RN, I spent some time at the beach praying and reading God's word. I found the verse drawn into the sand dune I had been sitting on when I left. I don't always hear or notice when God speaks to me, but that was one of those trials where He told me ahead of time to cling tighter to Him. This verse has come up a few times in the last few weeks and every time I hear or see it I am taken back to that sand dune and I know that rough waters may be ahead, but God is our faithful protector!

Nate and I were able to sit down with friends yesterday evening who just went through a very similar trial in November. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, had surgery, and she is doing great. I was able to ask a few questions that I would have otherwise had to wait until February 5th to ask. They were so encouraging and positive that Nate and I left our visit with them with a little lighter step.

One thing my Nurse Practioner told me before I had my biopsy was "if this turns out to be cancer, if you ever had to choose a cancer to get, thyroid cancer would be the one. It is typically very easy to treat." Our friend last night even described it as a "non-cancer" and to tell people I have a nodule on my thyroid (which is really what it is).  I do want your prayers through this time, but please don't think I'm going to die tomorrow from this. I was even encouraged to wait a little bit so that we can manage time off for Nate and maybe even have Sam weaned before we move forward with surgery. Of course, we will know more after visiting the surgeon, but God has continued to give us His peace, and plenty sources of encouragement.

After talking to our friends, the biggest challenge I still see is taking care of Sam. He is around 25 pounds and I will probably not be able to lift over ten pounds for about three weeks after surgery (this is based on our friend's experience), and he has been exceptionally clingy to me lately. Of course I love the snuggles, but it makes me sad to think I won't be allowed to lift him for a while. Please pray against the lie that he will have some sort of detachment disorder later in life because of this! I know he won't, but moms worry, and being a nurse doesn't help! (If you only knew the crazy "what ifs" that creep into my head every day, you'd probably want my head checked!)

I cannot begin to express the gratitude Nate and I have for all of you. Your support and encouragement is a huge blessing.

Love,
Beth

Steadfast Love Endures

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures for ever!" 

Psalm 107:1

I read this verse on January 11, 2014.  It dawned on me at that moment that the Lord kept repeating the words "steadfast love" through the scriptures I was reading for many days in a row.  Five days later I was diagnosed with a papillary carcinoma of the thyroid, also known as thyroid cancer.

This blog is to share my journey with family and friends, as my husband and I navigate the road that the Lord has prepared for us.  He is steadfast and constant in all He does.  Love is an action that God repeatedly calls us to commit, and His love is the ultimate standard of what it means to be unconditional and steadfast.  I am so thankful!

This particular adventure began for us when I went from losing all the weight I gained while pregnant with Sam, to losing more than double that amount.  I went to see my nurse practitioner on December 26th to make sure that there wasn't anything glaringly obvious with my health.  I have nursed Sam since he was born, and he has some food allergies so that meant some big adjustments to my diet.  Well, the weight loss has been attributed to only those things... diet & nursing!  I am thankful for that, but I am also thankful that it made me get checked out.

The only abnormal lab values were the thyroid antibodies that the Nurse Practitioner ordered.  This prompted her to order an ultrasound of my thyroid as a precaution in which a nodule measuring 1.4 centimeters was found on the upper left part of my thyroid gland.  Most nodules on the thyroid are harmless, but again, as a precaution, she ordered a fine needle aspiration biopsy (basically a simple procedure to test some of the cells in the nodule to see if it was cancerous).  I received a phone call on January 16th that the biopsy came back positive for papillary carcinoma of the thyroid.  While the prognosis is good for this type of cancer, a diagnosis of the "big C" is scary. Always.

My Nurse Practitioner called me immediately after hanging up with the pathologist because she knew that I often have my results sent to my office so that I can view them.  Thankfully I hadn't done that this time, because it would have been difficult knowing that my co-workers found out before I did.  She informed me that the type of thyroid cancer I have is not aggressive, and that it should be cured by removal of the tumor and part of my thyroid gland.  I should not need to go through radiation or chemotherapy, and I may need to go on a thyroid medication afterward.  She submitted my referral to the surgeon as "urgent" and explained to me that it was not necessarily urgent in the sense that it needed to be done tomorrow, but she did not want me to have to wait six months to be seen.  I will have a consultation with the surgeon on February 5th.

I will try to update this blog as Nate and I get information, process through the diagnosis and potential fears, and as we prepare for surgery and what that will look like for our family.  Please pray that we will not be anxious, and that we will continue to trust the Lord in His provision!

Thank you for joining us in this journey.  We know that God is already at the end of the road, waiting with His gracious arms open wide to receive us weary, but hopefully stronger, at the end!

Trusting in His steadfast love,

Beth